Okay, so I can be an emotional person. But not really in the sense that I cry all the time. But since May when I lost the "girl parts" my hormones have been funky to say the least. I am a mess. I want to cry all the time. What really sucks is that my hormone levels have always been a bit messed up, so where most women would cry once a month at the Hallmark commercial, I didn't. It seemed fairly natural to me. But now...
I was just watching TV and the required commercial for Christmas where some child just makes it home for the holidays after a long absence... you know the one. But now I need the Kleenex...
This sucks!
Monday, December 6, 2010
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Wow... it's sucks to be a woman
Okay, so here it is. It sucks to be a woman. There are some cool things, granted. Changing your hair color without getting weird looks, heels, make up, jewlery.... but there is a lot that sucks.
A little over two weeks ago I had a hysterecotmy. Yeah, there are a lot of things that sucks about it. For sure, I will never bear another child. My body is changing... again... but more on that in a moment. But when I got sick 7 years ago I knew that I was never going to have another child. I dealt with that then. I have been worried up until now that I could have an egtopic pregancy. But that's not something to worry about now. But it's really weird to think that everything is over for me as a virile woman. It's all gone. Just as Emily is beginning her "journey" into womanhood.
7 years ago I got sick. I had a 9 month period. That's right. 9 months almost straight. It sucked. I had an ablation (scarring or the uterine lining). No more period. There was a 20% chance I would get one back.... but never. So as far as Emily can remember, she's never been in a house where mommy had to deal with a monthly "gift". So this is not only something we haven't even begun to discuss, but it's going to be hard to explain why mommy doesn't have to deal with it.
So, the up side to this hysterectomy is that for sure, no more periods. No more worry about egtopic pregancies. The down sides have started. After my ablation, I had a few short weeks of dealing with night sweats. Nothing really. But now.... well,.... the night sweats are back with vengence. Then there is the emotions. Okay, so I have mood swings. Women do. Deal with it. But I was never one to cry at the Hallmark commercial. Never did. But now... a happy ending on House and I'm reaching for the Kleneex. Combine this with the fact I have no patience.... and Emily's newly surging hormones and 9 year old additute.... bad combo.
But we haven't even begun to talk about the hot flashes. I go from goose bump freezing from the anesthsia to oh my dear God, who opened the door to hell!? It's terrible. I have a couple of really lovely hand fans like Scarelet used in my desk at work my boss brought back from his honeymoon in Bali. They're great. I use them all the time.
So this weekend, I decided I needed some from home. I searched all over and I found one at the local "oriental" dollar store. I bought 2 for me and 1 for Em. I know better. So, she had over heard me saying I was having a hot flash. She now gets "sweaty flashes". It was so funny.
But, the funniest thing with all this was Em and I were standing in line at the pharmacy. There was a box of tampons on the end cap. It was box with drawings of athlectic women on it. Em turns to me and says "Mom, I need these. It shows women who exercise. I exercise. I need them" (mean while she can't read the box and doesn't know what they are).
I gently explain that she doesn't need them, they are for teenagers and mommies and that we will talk about it when she is a teenager. Of course it then comes to well, what are they.... something you need when you are teenager. We will talk about it again when you are 16. Not in the pharmacy and not again. Then I changed the subject.
It was funny.
A little over two weeks ago I had a hysterecotmy. Yeah, there are a lot of things that sucks about it. For sure, I will never bear another child. My body is changing... again... but more on that in a moment. But when I got sick 7 years ago I knew that I was never going to have another child. I dealt with that then. I have been worried up until now that I could have an egtopic pregancy. But that's not something to worry about now. But it's really weird to think that everything is over for me as a virile woman. It's all gone. Just as Emily is beginning her "journey" into womanhood.
7 years ago I got sick. I had a 9 month period. That's right. 9 months almost straight. It sucked. I had an ablation (scarring or the uterine lining). No more period. There was a 20% chance I would get one back.... but never. So as far as Emily can remember, she's never been in a house where mommy had to deal with a monthly "gift". So this is not only something we haven't even begun to discuss, but it's going to be hard to explain why mommy doesn't have to deal with it.
So, the up side to this hysterectomy is that for sure, no more periods. No more worry about egtopic pregancies. The down sides have started. After my ablation, I had a few short weeks of dealing with night sweats. Nothing really. But now.... well,.... the night sweats are back with vengence. Then there is the emotions. Okay, so I have mood swings. Women do. Deal with it. But I was never one to cry at the Hallmark commercial. Never did. But now... a happy ending on House and I'm reaching for the Kleneex. Combine this with the fact I have no patience.... and Emily's newly surging hormones and 9 year old additute.... bad combo.
But we haven't even begun to talk about the hot flashes. I go from goose bump freezing from the anesthsia to oh my dear God, who opened the door to hell!? It's terrible. I have a couple of really lovely hand fans like Scarelet used in my desk at work my boss brought back from his honeymoon in Bali. They're great. I use them all the time.
So this weekend, I decided I needed some from home. I searched all over and I found one at the local "oriental" dollar store. I bought 2 for me and 1 for Em. I know better. So, she had over heard me saying I was having a hot flash. She now gets "sweaty flashes". It was so funny.
But, the funniest thing with all this was Em and I were standing in line at the pharmacy. There was a box of tampons on the end cap. It was box with drawings of athlectic women on it. Em turns to me and says "Mom, I need these. It shows women who exercise. I exercise. I need them" (mean while she can't read the box and doesn't know what they are).
I gently explain that she doesn't need them, they are for teenagers and mommies and that we will talk about it when she is a teenager. Of course it then comes to well, what are they.... something you need when you are teenager. We will talk about it again when you are 16. Not in the pharmacy and not again. Then I changed the subject.
It was funny.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Wow, it's been a while
I have to be the first to admit, that it's been a while since I blogged. Since joining Crackbook, I mean Facebook, there doesn't seem to be as much need to blog anymore, as I can publish a lot faster and a few little things here and there.
Things have been busy with us. Working on the house, I know, I know who isn't. Spring has sprung and well, Em's starting to turn into a big girl. She's growing on me with leaps and bounds.
She's doing very very well in school. Every moment of fighting to get her into The Center for Spectrum Services. She can read when she wants too. Her focus has improved dramatically. It's been a rough road and there is starting to be a light at the end of the tunnel. I know it will be a long long road still to travel, but.....
It's also been a bitch to get old. My knees are getting worse and it might be worse now rather than when I was 100lbs heavier because of all the hormones we are trying. No we are not trying to get pregnant. I've been sick again and we tried hormone therapy... which didn't work. I have to go see the doc in a few weeks to see and talk about possible removal of all the defective parts.
Other than that, nothing is really all that exciting to talk about. We work/school, eat and sleep, although the weather is finally nice enought to talk about pulling out the camper and hitting the road! Yeah! Can't wait for that!
So, I'll sign off for now with a story. Last week was Spring Break. Emily spent most of the week with my father. They were driving down a road that we never go down. We have no reason too. She saw a sign that read Golden Hill Health Care Center. She said "Golden Hill. That's where Mrs. B's mommy lives". My father asks her how she knew that. "I read it." "Then why don't you read books with Mommy or Nana?" "I'll read when I damn well want too!" (Little snot... huh?)
Things have been busy with us. Working on the house, I know, I know who isn't. Spring has sprung and well, Em's starting to turn into a big girl. She's growing on me with leaps and bounds.
She's doing very very well in school. Every moment of fighting to get her into The Center for Spectrum Services. She can read when she wants too. Her focus has improved dramatically. It's been a rough road and there is starting to be a light at the end of the tunnel. I know it will be a long long road still to travel, but.....
It's also been a bitch to get old. My knees are getting worse and it might be worse now rather than when I was 100lbs heavier because of all the hormones we are trying. No we are not trying to get pregnant. I've been sick again and we tried hormone therapy... which didn't work. I have to go see the doc in a few weeks to see and talk about possible removal of all the defective parts.
Other than that, nothing is really all that exciting to talk about. We work/school, eat and sleep, although the weather is finally nice enought to talk about pulling out the camper and hitting the road! Yeah! Can't wait for that!
So, I'll sign off for now with a story. Last week was Spring Break. Emily spent most of the week with my father. They were driving down a road that we never go down. We have no reason too. She saw a sign that read Golden Hill Health Care Center. She said "Golden Hill. That's where Mrs. B's mommy lives". My father asks her how she knew that. "I read it." "Then why don't you read books with Mommy or Nana?" "I'll read when I damn well want too!" (Little snot... huh?)
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