I am exhusted

I thought one of the hardest days of my life was Friday when we spent the day at the funeral home picking out the casket, the cards and all the other things that go along with the prepartions to a funeral. It was a lot of tough choices and so many things to think about while you are still reeling from the shock of the death of a loved one.
But today was harder. Tonight was the wake for George and it was fantasic. There were so many faces, people we hadn't seen in years, friends, family and people who knew George through out his many incarnations in the public. The VFW came and did a beautiful tribute, formal and informal, each member of the five or six different posts telling us the different ways that George had touched their lives.
We had friends we had lost touch with come. People that Brian hadn't seen since high school. All but four of his cousins came. Even the ones who had just lost their fathers. (In case I forgot to tell you, George was the youngest of five. The oldest Liz, lives in Jersey and there were three other brothers. We lost one brother in October and the other just a short 3 weeks ago).
I was truly touched to see Brian's friends from work, a couple that a good friends of my father's and our friends who drove up from Long Island to be with us. Brian's French Candian brother in law, some of his family is even here.
But Emily, oh my little Emily is growing up. She has had a great handle on what has happened. And she told us she wanted to see Pop-pops one last time. Last night, she and I were sitting talking about the funeral home and what she wanted to do. If she wanted to go or not. As of last night she didn't.
This evening, she was with my parents and started talking about seeing George one last time. My parents brought her. There was no one there. They brought her up, she saw George, blew him a kiss and told him good bye. It broke my heart.
There is another part of this story, but as my head is killing me, I have a houseful of our friends who are here to be with Brian, I'm going to go.

So George

George, Brian's father was a very active member of the VFW. Being that he was a Vietnam era vet, he had great patriotism in his country and was very, very involved, to the point where he missed family events due to his commitment to the VFW.
One of the last projects George was involved in was the creation of the Ulster County Veterens Cemetery in New Paltz. The Cemetery was dedicated on Verterns Day of this year. George told Kathleen (Brian's Mom) that he wanted to be buried there.
Fast forward to yesterday. We had to go to the funeral home and make all the arangements. My mother in law or sister in law had already call the VFW state commander, who George was his assistant and very good friends with. Bob was told that George wanted to be buried in the new cemetery.
Well, in a very George like fashion, George will be the first burial in this area. They had previously intered ashes, but this will be the first casket. It would have made him proud.
Now, please pray for a mild day.

George and Brian

He will be missed

I have the very sad duty to report that Brian's Father George lost his battle with life this evening. For the thirteen and a half years that I have known the man, I have come to respect him, admire him and love him as a special person in my life.
George had been sick on and off for more than fifteen years. We often joked in the family that he had more lives than a cat. He often would get ill, we'd all rush to the hospital, on eggshells, only to find out he was fine. This time when the call came, we knew that it was over.
He had been suffering as of late and we are comforted in the knowledge that he is in heaven with God and his two older brothers who we lost within the last three months.
There is not much more I can say. My father said it best in his blog.http://www.takenthedirtnap.blogspot.com/
Please read it.
Thank you all for your support and love.
Merry Christmas

Let it snow, let it snow, let it... GD Snow plows!!!

Today is Sunday. It started snowing around noon on Friday and didn't stop until this afternoon. It slowed a few times, but it never really stopped. Friday we were forcast for 12-14 inches with the snow falling about 1 inch an hour. We've had snow this season, but not enough to make any difference or register. But we have had nearly 2 feet in three days.
We live on a main road and are plowed fairly often. It's been crazy. Just as we get dug out, we have to start again. So, we decided that it was time, after living on our own for about 13 years, to buy a snow blower. We went to Sears and it was a decent deal. And boy oh boy was it fun to play with this afternoon.
The drive way is only about as wide as a car and maybe two feet more on either side. Brian and I fight every year about the snow. He clears only enough to get the car in. That's it. I hate it. Trying to get Em out, groceries, etc without ending up in a snow drift is quite hard. Now, the sides are so clean you can see grass.
Saturday I had to work. Mom had Em. She had a hair appointment about six or seven miles from work. It was still snowing. So, I should have only taken me about fifteen minutes to drive across town to pick up Em from the salon. Yeah right. I get about half way there and I can see flasshing lights and traffic stopped. Quick around the back way. Ha, ha. The traffic on the back roads was terrible, because, of course the plow job was piss poor.
Then, I had to drive past the mall and other shopping areas. I might as well have been driving in rush hour LA traffic. 45 minutes after I left work, I pulled into the salon. Then I have to repeat the drive back home. Thirty minutes. Then into the shower quick, get dressed for a Christmas party, dinner and onto the party.
This morning, at a God awful 7:45am we get this phone call. Sunday school was cancelled as was the Christmas Pagent for this afternoon. Okay. Back to sleep then. Then my mother in law calls. Would Bri drive her an hour north, in the snow and pick up his father who was being released from the hospital. He hangs up with her and looks at me.
I called my father, who went to work. He tells me the highways aren't plowed. We call Kathleen back and tell her no. The hospital agreed that they would keep him one more night.
So, Brian and Em are going to get Pop Pops at the hospital tomorrow. While I go to work.
Yeah me!!!! (insert bad London Tipton impression)
I more than likely won't blog again until after Christmas.
Merry Christmas.

The Trama

Last weekend, Mom and I took Em to the local boutique grocery, farm stand, garden center... to see Santa. They do free digital pictures every year and don't copy right them so you can copy them as many times as you like. Plus Mom and I always shop a bit there. They have a great Kitchen center and it's kinda like a gift store. So, Em decided that this year she was going to be scared of Santa again. She shook like a leaf during the picture.
Well, for my cousins, who read this blog, do you remember going to see Santa with Nana and Grandfather almost every year for breakfast? It was either Wards or Britts. Mom and I were in Applebees a few weeks ago and they had a flyer that they were hosting a Santa breakfast for the Make a Wish. Since Brian's cousin's son is 5 and suffering from Lukemia, we are very into children's cancer things and Mom and both thought that is was a tradition that her parents had started and we would like to continue.
Yesterday, Saturday, Mom and Emily hosted a Christmas party that they had done for about 3 years now. Mom has this group of friends who all have grandchildren and they like to have Grandma and Granddaughter events. This party is one of them.
Just down the road is this farm. Every Halloween they host the Haunted Hayride. It was voted most extreme hayride by the travel channel. Headless Horseman. It's really cool. Well, they decided they would capitalize on the season and opened a winter version. Frosty Fest. Em wanted nothing to do with Santa last night.
This morning, Mom and Dad took Em to the breakfast. Pancakes and Bacon and Em wouldn't go near Santa.
In the past, Em has been so freaked by Santa, that I have to send him an e-mail to tell him to leave the gifts in the garage, so that she would feel better. She was scared of him coming into the house. She's starting with that again.
We celebrate St. Nicholas Day in our house. St Nicholas comes on the the night of the 5th of December. That's where the tradition of stockings came from. But in our house, St. Nick takes your old, out grown slippers and replaces them with new ones and some treats inside. She was so freaked this year, I wasn't sure she was going to put her slippers under the tree in her room. But she did.
I can almost see her trying to muscle her way past her fears in order to be a big girl. But she still wants to be a baby.
When I asked her how her breakfast was this morning or how Frosty Fest was, she tells me that she doesn't want to talk about it.
Think about it though. A strange man, fat, bearded and living in a remote location of the world, with at least 8 raindeer, a wife, no children, knows if you've been good or bad, brings you gifts for no reason other than he wants too, breaks into your house every year, gives you candy in the mall or the back of the fire truck, employs thousands of short freaky characters and only works one day a year.
Isn't this the person we tell them all year to stay away from? But all will be forgiven when she opens her new Hannah Montana bed room set.

Anyone got some gopher wood?

I hate the rain. There is nothing anyone can say about it that is good. I'm short so a lot of my pants hang on the ground and get wet. My shoes were soaked today. I can handle the cold. I don't mind the snow, but I hate the rain. I'm night blind too. The minute the road gets really wet and dark, I can't see where the hell I am driving. I've found a few tricks over the years, watching the white lines on the roads, trying not to drive... but more often than not I need to drive at night in the rain.
And the crap that is coming down is mixed with little stinging ice pellets. Not at all fun. It hurts and just makes everything more miserable.
I never get to carry an unbrella. In my opinion, they are more trouble then they are worth. Plus as a mom, I'm usually carrying my purse, at least one other thing and Em has this thing about someone holding her hand almost all the time or me steering her in the right direction to get in out of the rain.
My street floods, really really bad at times. Tonight, being our busy night in the house, was take out night. I thought I'd just walk to the chicken place half a block down and be right back. But every shit head out on the road splashed me. I was drenched when I got home. Luckly, scrubs are designed to dry quick.
No one had the common courtesy to move over a bit when they saw someone walking down the road.
Hey Josh, can you graft me a piece of your Yule Log? Besides the drivers, I'm doing a marathon Christmas shop on Saturday night... Might need it in the mall
Brian's father is stable. Can't really say he's better at this point. He had surgery Sunday night to fix his AAA, but it's still leaking and they are Dializing him daily cause the amount of fluid built up. He's off the vent, but still in ICU at Albany Med. We are at this point hoping he'll be out of the Icu for Christmas. We don't want to get our hopes up about him being home. But, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

Hospital.......again

Brian's father is a sick man. He's been in and out of the hospital in the 13 years I have known him an average of every 6 months. In the last five years it's been worse. Closer to every 3 months. He was admitted on Wednesday for severe abdominal pain and vomiting. They decided it was time for Dialysis. It was something that has been pending for sometime now and it was finally time. His kidneys are finished. But they had yet to discuss or figure out what was wrong with his stomach.
This morning he was doing better. He was feeling well, the doctor had been in to see him around 8 and then the nurse saw him at 8:15. Brian and I were sitting on the couch, eating bagels and getting ready to take Em to Sunday school. The phone rang and it was Brian's mother. I handed him the phone and he answered it. His face dropped instantly and he was up and pulling his coat on before he hung up the phone. He told me that his father was un responsive and as we live less than a mile from the hospital, he was the closest to run up there.
I was pulling on my coat, having just hung up my phone with my mother to have her pick up Em after Sunday School, when his sister called. She was in tears, sure that this was the end.
Long day short, all we do know is that George fell on the floor. He was found face down on the floor in his room, unresponsive. They did CPR and intibated him. The doctor told Brian and I what had happened and that he had 2 seizures.
He was in the ICU for most of the day and not doing well. They did a CT of his head and abdomen. THe head was clean, but the belly....
George has a AAA. It's leaking. They sent him to ALbany Med, as they can't do anything about it here in town. So, Brian is up there with his mother.
I don't know anything more.
As Kathleen got to the hospital this morning, she pulls me aside and tells me that she has something else to tell the kids, but doesn't know if she should. She tells me that George's older, the next oldest to George died last night. I told her that she needed to tell the kids, that they needed to know. She finally agreed.
Mom had Em today. She and I talked about the need to start to prepare Em that George might die. She came up with the best.
"Every person has an angel inside them. When they are very sick, God sends an angel from heaven to see if the doctor's need help. But sometimes, God sends an angel to bring the angel's in your body home to heaven. Then we put the body that they lived in, in a box like a treasure and place it somewhere special."
It killed me.
Keep George in your prayers, please.

theprincessemily

I'm not Ready Yet

If Brian and Emily had their way, the tree and the rest of the Christmas decorations would be up before the turkey was off the table. I don't want to do it until this weekend. It's not that I don't love Christmas. I love my decorations. It's fun to gaze at them and tell Emily the stories or memories attached to some of them. I'm always on the look out for something new and love to sew or craft something.
But... and you knew it was coming... I can't stand the disruption in the house. I have to put away and find a place for each of my different regular decorations. My picture frames, vases, bowls... etc. Plus always trying to improve and find room for the new things can be challanging. Plus, not only do I decorate my house, but I help mom do hers and then there is a very large building I work in. By the end, I'm sick of misletoe and stuff.
Brian and I got married on New Year's Eve, which every who reads this blog I assume knows. So, knowing that we were getting married 10 years ago, right after Christmas, I insisted that we take the tree down before our wedding. I had enough other stuff to do with the wedding and the last thing I wanted to do was face the tree after the wedding or when we came back from our ten day honeymoon. So, I've tried to keep this alive. I want the tree down by New Years. I've had it by then and am ready to get back to normal.
Besides, it's a little easier to get Em back into the routine of school when the tree is gone.
But, I'm not really ready to get the tree up this year. I'm not in the mood to get things going. I'm not in the mood for the hard work that it takes to set everything up. Moving boxes, trying to keep Em from the breakables until I get them up and away from the majority of the reach, arguing with Brian as we try and hang the lights outside.
I just want to all decorate it's self.
Where is that mind telepathy kit when I need it?

Long Weekend

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and just so I can get it out of the way, Happy Thanksgiving. Now, I offered to cook this year for the first time in eons. We got a turkey fryer this summer and I really want to use it. I've been cooking a bit here and there over the last few days, also working very hard at work getting things ready there for Thanksgiving and Christmas. It's been really busy. We are admitting four people on Friday. Plus we spent this past weekend in Long Island.
When Bri and I first met, we were introduced by a mutal friend. He set us up on our first date. He was in our wedding party and his wife read a lesson at our service. Brian was in their wedding party and I was pregnant with Em at the time. We love them to death and have a great time with them. She's a stay at home mom and he's an architecht. But, they live in Long Island. I HATE Long Island. It's too busy, the people there can't drive, think they own the road, nothing is close by and it's just a really stressfull time. But their son turned 4. And we were unable to get to his 3rd birthday party. Em thinks we are related. Why else would she call them Aunt Denise and Uncle Jeff? And isn't Jeffrey her cousin? SO, we went down.
Now, Brian has this irrational fear of bridges. My boss's father in law is a civil engineer in Long Island and told me that there was no way the we should set foot on the Throgs Neck Bridge. White Stone it is. No Problem. Now, we drive down through New Jersey, to take advantage of the cheap gas. Right now, the gas station on the corner is $2.25 a gallon. We paid $1.79 a gallon in Jeresy. Worth going that way. But, I had to drive the bridges. It's too stressful.
On a sad and happy note, the car dealer across the street from us, went out of business. The annoucement came in the paper on Monday and he was gone on Friday. The upside is that the crappy driveway at our house has been expanded to a whole car dealer parking lot. Party's at my house!
Now, we haven't been away if we haven't driven in a few years. We haven't been able to afford to fly or something else happens. But I got Em's report card and I'm not pleased. I was fighting the school board to keep from passing her. But Bush's wonderful act of No Child Left Behind beat me. Now we are talking about going to see a specialist in San Francisco. A working vacation. If we can afford it. The doctor is a visit over 3 days and costs $5000, none of which is covered by insurance. Then add in plane fare, rental car, food, hotel, entertainment, parking... The question is weather or not this guy is worth it.
Any by the way Twilight was great. But read the book. It's better.

Fan

In the English language, the word fan is really short for fanatic. Now, there aren't alot of things that I am fanatic about, but there are a few. Once upon a time it was Anne Rice novels. I have read all of them. All but the sleeping beauty series. That was just a bit too intense for me.
A few people have turn me onto other series including the Sookie Stackhouse novels that the new HBO show True Blood is based on. Then there is Harry Potter.
Last summer I was out of work for 9 weeks while I healed from an ankle injury. While I was out I picked up a book at random in Barnes and Noble. It quickly turned into my favorite book of all time. I have read it nearly seven times through. It's the first in the series of four.
What book you ask?
Twilight.
Okay, before the moans and groans start, let me tell you about the book. It was written by a woman my age who lives in the Scottsdale, Mesa area of Arizona. A good Morman woman, she wrote this wonderful love story about a mortal girl and the vampire that she falls in love with. It's one of the cleanest novels I have ever read. I think in the four books there is a collective six Damns and that's it. No bad language. No smoking, drinking, pre marital sex.
Now, I started reading the romance novels when I was about 12. I've been exposed to novel relationships since then. But this is something else. This is the best love story I have ever read.
The movie opens at midnight. I'm not thrilled with the cast, but it's only because I've got other people pictured in my head. I'll have to reserve my judgement for after I've seen the movie.
I'm very excited to see the movie. Brian and I are going to see it tomorrow.
But watching the television coverage and surfing the web coverage of the premeire are textbook cases of fantatism. I need the sound track. I have to have the music.
The author did the coolest thing with her books. For all five and a half books that she has written, she has put had put on her website a soundtrack for each book. Basically, a song that goes along or sums up the feelings she had in her head and heart as she wrote or edited each chapter. It's great. She has fantasic taste in music.
Well, I'm going to read some more about the premiere. See you all in Forks!

Sleep!

My sleeping pattern has always been a little screwy. I'm at my best when I can get up around 11 am and go to bed around 3 am. But having a day job that's really hard. I could work evening shift, in theory, but I'd never see Brian or Em. So, it's either day shift or night shift. Well, ever since I was in the hospital and sleeping a lot to recover, my sleeping pattern is all messed up. Most days, I fall asleep on the couch after dinner.
Well, last night Brian and Emily let me sleep. I woke up somewhere around 9:30 and now I've been up since. That was 4 hours ago.
The only thing that is going to fix this is a couple of days of forcing myself to stay up until an appropriate bedtime say 8:00 and taking a few sleeping pills.
It kind of reminds me of when Em was a baby and went through that stage as all children do, the socialization of nights and days. Some people insist that babies are getting their nights and days confused, however, how can can you be confused when there is something you don't understand to begin with. Adults seem to think that babies insintivly know that days are awake time and nights aren't. Well, who determines that? Is it really daytime that is awake time? Why? There is still so much happening at night.
Maybe that's something that happens after working night shift. You realize that the world is still working. That life still goes on.
Well, needless to say, thank God we have really good tv. There are 800 channels to find something on.
Yeah History Channel!

Sticker Shock

It finally happened. My computer died. It had been difficult charging it for some time now and I wasn't sure if it was the battery or the port where you plug in the cable. So, when I couldn't get it to charge at all and was completely without a system, because the battery was so dead that I couldn't even boot it up enough for it to tell me that it was dead, I decided that it was time to take it to the Geek Squad.
Now, I hate Best Buy. The sales staff is rude, condisending, bunch of stupid geeks in the the bad way. I love the show Chuck and would love to find someone who works at the Geek Squad that is like Chuck. But, alas, it doesn't happen. I did however get a lovely girl who was very smart and nice. She took my laptop, did a few things and declared that there was nothing they could do for me. The system was dead.
So, needless to say, I needed to get a new computer. So, I went to the computer section and I was under sticker shock. It's been about five years since I bought my laptop and I paid enough for it. I was surprised that prices really haven't come down that much.
Well, I bought an Emachine which if I am not mistaken is an IBM product. It's going to be fine for what I need to do. Plus I have learned my lesson as I will need to pay someone to extract my hard drive from the other system and down load it to my system or jump drive or something. I will not be storing too much on this system. Everything will be on jump drives. Not going to loose everything again!
I have music, pictures, word docs... so much stuff.
So this is the first blog from the new system. It's fine so far.

Witness Protection is sounding about right

When a person goes into witness proctection, they get a whole new life. New people, new names, new town, new life. I've had about all I can take.
Brian's father George, has been sick for years. He had his first bypass about fifteen years ago. There is nothing that he hasn't gone through with his heart. Bypasses (2), stents, mechanical valve, heart attacks, mini strokes, AAA, CHF and now to top it all off, V-Tach.
Okay, for the non medical people. The heart has a natrual rhythm. Lub Thub. Even, steady. When is goes faster it's called Tachacardia. When it slows, it's Bradycardia. the V is ventricular. Basically, the lub thub is the noise of the valves of the heart opening and shutting again. Door A lub shuts and door B opens. Door B shuts thub and door A opens. The heart contracts top and bottom. This contraction moves the blood from one room to the other.
The V tach is a fast heart rate with the natural 2 step rhythm all wiggly. There is something electrical not allowing his heart to beat regularly.
There are a couple of fixes, that include shocking the heart like on ER or medications. But they have not shocked him yet, as the rate always comes back. So, the other fix is sticking in an internal defibulator. It will shock the heart from the inside as the rhythm gets wiggly.
It's an operation. But after all that is going on with George, he can't be safely on the operating table for more than 2 hours. There is a surgeon that comes to Kingston once a month from Westchester Medical Center and can generally do the operation in less than two hours.
Problem 1, he was here two weeks ago and won't be back for two weeks.
Problem 2, George can't wait for two weeks. This is so bad that it could kill him.
So, tomorrow, George is supposed to go to Westchester Medical Center to have the surgery.
Brian is going to drive his mother to he hospital in Westchester tomorrow, spend the night with her and then take the train from Westchester into the city to meet my father at Grand Central Station so that my father can go with Brian to his appointments with the surgeon on Tuesday. What a great birthday for Brian on Tuesday!
But with all the time I have taken off from work, I can't go with Brian and I don't really want to take Em to Westchester.
I had better go and get Brian's bag ready for tomorrow. He needs to pack light. I have to help him, if I can pry him away from Sunday night football.

What color?

Warning, this blog maybe gross and not for the easily sickened. You have been warned.

As a nurse I have seen things that could turn the normal person into a blubbering pile of vomit. Being that both my sister in laws and mother in law are nurses, we often talk about things around the table or while cooking that would turn even a cast iron stomach. It doesn't phase me. Most of the time, I don't even think about it.
Well, I have these four incision sights on my belly. There is to be some drainage. I would be worried if there wasn't. What has me the most concerned is the belly button. It's draining a lot. Well, after I got into the shower today and got dressed, we went out for a while. Where we went will be another blog. Every time I move, my stomach drains a bit. Well, by the time I felt it through my pants, I knew that something wasn't right. There was too much drainage. I looked at the spot, as it only has a steri strip on it. I am so allergic to tape that even band aids give me a rash.
So, I looked at my belly and the color of the drainage was different. Not the clear I have seen, not bloody or even a bit infectious. It's orange. I mean orange.
My pharmacist family will under stand this refference. The drainage was Pyridium orange.
I'm going to see the doctor in the morning to see what is going on.
But, on to other things. There is a consignment shop a few doors down from me. I have never been in there, as my size often makes it hard for me to shop at places like that. But since I have lost a bit of weight, it's better. Well, Friday night is my office's one year party. So, I was thinking about buying a suit to wear. But, I'm not sure that I am a suit person and I hate Macy's. I ended up finding two great buys. I got a great Ann Taylor dress and a fantastic brocade Nine West Duster all for less than $50!
Now, this is a cool thing. Recently, the Girl Scout Council here in Ulster County merged with all the counties in the Hudson Valley into a new council called Heart Of The Hudson. Well, they had signs remade and they were ready to be hung. So, the office called Em's girl scout leader who called us and asked if Emily would be a Brownie Rep for the new sign hanging today.
I was so honored.
There are some cool things about Emily and the Girl Scouts. But that's another Blog for another time.

Recovery

Well, it turns out it wasn't my appendix. It was my gall bladder. The gall stone was the size of a quarter! It was huge! I had a laproscopic prodecure that means only four little slits for the tools and that was all.
I had the surgery on Thursday afternoon and was out on Friday afternoon. I'm weak and tired. But I need to go back to work.
I could some more percocet.

My Turn

Yesterday, Tuesday, I woke up with a ache in my belly. Nothing really wrong. Just this generalized ache. I thought that I might need to use the toilet or have some gas or something. I took a few advil and the discomfort went away.
Last night, I had fallen alseep early. I was just tired. I woke up around 10 or 11, needing to pee. But my belly ache had gotten worse. There was this stabbing pain in the lower right section of my belly. I was doubled over in pain for several hours until I finally got up and went to take one of Brian's Percocets. I finally fell asleep.
When my alarm went off this morning the pain was worse. I did something I have only done once before on the job. I called in sick for myself. After waiting a while, drifiting in and out of sleep, I called our regular doctor.
There is an advantage being a nurse and having a great relationship with you doctor. You can save yourself office visits.
So, I described my symptoms and asked when I could have an appointment in the office. The receoptionist put me on hold, talked to the doctor, who then got on the phone with me. We talked for a few minutes and she told me to go to the ER.
We arrived at the ER around 945. Let's just say the following things about me being here.
1) Since my pain is pretty bad, as I have a high tolerance for pain, I'm pretty stoned.
2) Scans, ultrasounds and labs have not given a conclusive picture of what is happening to me. However all the signs and symptoms point to my appendeix.
3) The doctor wants to keep me over night to see what happens. That means it maybe nothing or it could be something. I'll know more tomorrow. I'll be meeting the surgeon then.

Okay, time to go. The letters are danicing to the music. Yeah Dilauded!

When will it ever stop??!!

I have been so busy lately, I haven't had time to check my e mail, let alone blog.
So, let me catch you all up on what has been going on here.
Last weekend we went camping. The first and last time in our camper for the season. It was fun. That Saturday night, we were to go to Brian's older sister's house for a party for my in-law's 40th wedding anniversery. So, let me tell you about the cake. There is this fancy grocery, garden center, florist thing in the area. There are three of them. We were supposed to bring the cake. So, I ordered the cake from the closet place to the campground. We went down there to pick up the cake. I walked in the store and proceeded to walk into a pile of vomit on the floor. It was after I stepped in it that the store person told me that I needed to watch where I was walking as some kid puked. Yuck!
I walk over the bakery and ask for my cake. She takes forever to find it and brings it out. She shows it to me and I look at it. It's a quarter sheet cake and a rectangle. But the right side was perfect. The left.... well, the cake slanted to the left and to the back. From the right to the left there was over a 1/2 inch difference. Then the back corner was a hole. An accutal hole that they tried to cover up with icing. I told the girl it wasn't square. She looked at me, confused, looked at the cake and back at me, confused. She told me the cake looked fine to her.
Then I asked to talk to the manager. She comes out, with an attitude, and asks me what's wrong. I said, "The cake isn't square. It's horrible. How can you sell something like this?"
Manager B@#$^ch: It's not supposed to be square. It's supposed to be a rectangle."
Me: "Not the shape. Look at it."
She looks at it.
Me: "Now turn it."
She turns it.
Manager: It's fine.
Me: It's not fine. It's not level. It's horrible. Look at the hole!
Man next to me: I'm a guy and I can tell that the cake is bad... you should fix it.
Manager B : Well... I guess we could make you a new one. Someone didn't fill the cake correctly and it colapsed.
Me: Number one, I don't have time to wait for you to fix the cake, number two, how did this cake pass inspection in the first place, number three, if it wasn't for the fact I was going to a special event with this cake, I wouldn't care. Cake is cake. But, now, I'm going to look like an ass thanks to the fact you are hiring the blind to work in your bakery. How much are you going to take off the price for your mistake?
Manager: 10%.
That worked out to $2.50. Pathetic. But this story isn't done. I went to the garden center to pay. The woman at the registar tells me that she is not allowed to let me pay for food at the garden center. I asked her where the sign was that stated that. She was flustered and I paid for the cake.
So, we are having a nice time at Brian's sisters. Then the phone rings, just as we are pulling dinner out of the oven. The caller ID shows it to be a cousin that we don't call much. Not a good sign.
Brian's father is the youngest of five children. Elizabeth, Phillip, Patrick, Brian and George. Phil has been in the hospital, in ICU on a vent. We didn't know much more. At six o'clock Sat night, they were giving him hours. He died at midnight.
So, the wake was Tuesday, in Clark, NJ, where he lived. That's down central Jersey, south of Newark. About 110 miles from here. Brian, myself and his sisters left at dinner time, drove down, stayed a bit more than an hour and drove back. We got home around 11 that night. About 6 hours start to finish.
Then.... I know... sound like it never stops, right? But anyway, Em had stayed with my parents that night and Mom's office is just past my house. It's right on the way. So, she dropped Em off the next morning on her way to work. Em's got a lovely cold.
I've had enough. When the hell do I get a break? Needless to say, while I work yesterday, I was tired and just the littlest things the staff did, that I normally ignore sent me on a write up and yelling spree. By the end of the day, I had made two people cry. I didn't care. I still don't. Are people in this world just that stupid that they can't carry out the simplest tasks?
If you want to be in health care, and take care of people, you had best be steppping up to the plate and take care of them. If not, McDonald's is always looking...

Brownies

This past week, Emily started Brownies. I don't know who was more excited about it, me or her. She loved every moment of it. They are starting their first fund raiser, magazines. The first field trip was this weekend, to one of the local fruit stands that has cows to milk, petting zoo... etc.
We had a great time. I'm just so excited to say that Emily is fourth generation Girl Scout. We'll see how long it lasts.
I was trying to get Em to make a few friends with some of the other girls. She told me that she wasn't going to talk to them because it was bad to talk to strangers.
Okay, so she got that message. Don't talk to strangers. Now, I get to try and explain to her that it's okay to talk to strangers otherwise you don't get to make new friends.
Life is awfully confusing isn't it?

How Much??!!!

Today in the mail was the first two bills from Sloan Kettering. I say the first, because we have recently been back to see the doctor and the bills don't include the doctor.
So, you ready? I hope you are sitting down and those with heart conditions have some nitro nearby.
First doctor's visit $226.00
Second doctor's visit $226.00
CT of belly to get a better look at the tumor $772.00
Contrast Dye needed for scan $73.50
Blood Typing $32.00
Screening for antibodies in the blood $60.00
Presurgical Chest X-Ray $253.00
EKG pre surgical $167.00
Sticking the needle in his arm to get the blood $19.00
Liver Functions $227.00
Basic Metabolic Panel $259.00
Urinalaysis $36.00
CBC $37.00
Bleeding Times $ 94.00
Blood Compatability Tests $144.00
Total $2625.50
And this is even before he was admitted to the hospital.
Hospital Room for 6 days $18320.00
Surgery $14254.00
Recovery Room $3122.00
Surgery Supplies both op and post op $3252.00
Medications $1006.80
Labs $3927.00
Pathology $2113.00
Blood Processing $92.00
Cardiology Consult $133.00
Physical Therapy she saw Bri for about 30 minutes to tell him that I had already done her job $838.00
For a Grand Total $47057.80
And, like I said, we haven't seen the doctor's bills from being inpatient yet.
Then add in about $100 for transportation to and from.
$400 for staying my hotel bill.
$150 for transport in the city.
$200 for my food.
$150 for other things.
Plus the two other trips to the city before the surgery.
I would have to say, since Brian's first trip to the city we have wracked up somewhere between $60,000.00 and $75,000.00.
Thank God for health insurance.
I would love to sit and figure it out some time. It's almost mind boggling.

Back to New York... again

Yesterday, Brian had his post op appointment with the surgeon. We waited nearly two hours to see the doctor and we were out in about twenty minutes. Everything is healing well and the pathology said it was all good.
We have to go back in a month and Brian has to have a full bosy scan and then we just scan annually after that.
We had a whirlwind day. We drive to the next train station south of where we usually get the train, because parking was hard. Then we went to the city, got off, grabbed a cab and went to the doctors. Then we tried to get the subway back to the train station, but the subway was down. So, we tried, really hard to get a cab. Then the train home and drive to the pharmacy and then on to get Emily from my mother's.
By the time, I went to bed last night, I was so tired, I was walking dead.
But, as usual, me taking a day off from work was hard. I've been trying to catch up all day and I want to go to bed. But since there is no school tomorrow, Emily wants to stay up a bit later than usual. So, it'll be a while before I can go to bed.

Cranky

I've been cranky the last few days. I've taken on a lot around the house, considering Brian can't pitch in and help out right now. My birthday really sucked. I got a total of four presents. My grandfather, two of my aunt and my mother in law. Not even a card from my husband. My daughter never even told me happy birthday. And trust me she knew. I had to work, the evening shift. I've been so busy at work, all I want to do is come home and sleep. But no, I have to make dinner, work on homework and do things around the house.
I was hoping that there was going to be something. My mother made me a birthday cake and brought it over to the house the night before. Brian kinds knew that he was going to be recovering around my birthday. But did he do anything about it? NO.
When I buy presents, I try to spend time finding things that the giftee would apperciate. Christmas is a challange. Sure, Brian gets the traditional under ware, socks, toothbrush and stuff, but I try to find things that I know he would love. Hell, for his brithday this year, I bought him a Nintendo DS so he would have something to keep him occupied during his recovery. I bought myself a new MP3 player a while back, but still, when it comes to his birthday I'll find something.
I know people say it's the thought that counts, but they aren't the ones who are getting dollar store junk from their husbands for their birthday's and christmas. It really sucks.
I've been trying hard to take care of Brian. And oh, by the way, George, my father in law is sick again. I need to go out, but where and with whom? I have no friends. My mother is busy with her friends and sewing. My machine is broken. I have no money. I need a vacation.
But we can't even go camping. The camper is broken. And it's not going to be fixed anytime soon. So, we can't go a way anytime soon.
I just want some time to relax. No cell phone rining. No worrying about Brian or George or the next straw that is going to fall on my back. I've had enough. Really I have. I need some time off. But I have no where to go. Or money to get there.
Plus, this year is our tenth anniversery. Guess what I won't be getting.
Sorry to vent but I get this way every single year around my birthday. I have been known to throw parties for Brian's birthdays. I have been invited to parties for my inlaws inlaws birthdays. I threw a party so that everyone could see Brian before his surgery. And there is going to be a party when Brian is all healed and ready to go. But NO ONE throws a party for me. It so sucks.......

Busy, Busy, Busy

Well, we've been home a week and I haven't stopped. Brian is doing well. Our friends from Long Island came up for the weekend and I haven't stopped working. Things have been very busy.
I took Bri's staples out on Sunday and he is feeling lots better. We are going to the doctor on Tuesday next week to see how he's really doing.
Other than that there is nothing going on here. Emily is doing well in school and starts Brownies on Thursday.

Home

We came home last night. It's strange to sleep in the same bed again. I needed to take today off from work to get a few things done, but so far, all I have done is taken Emily to day care and cleared the Tivo.
Brian is doing okay, sleeping a lot. I didn't sleep well last night and I have been trying to rest. I slept wrong and my neck hurts... again. That's where all my stress has been going.
We had my mother not tell Em that we were coming home last night. We met up for dinner and she was wary at first. We showed her Daddy's incision. She knows that it's sore and not to touch Daddy's belly.
We had wanted Brian to sleep in Em's room for the first couple of days. Her bed is higher and has a lot of places to prop up pillows. But, Em had a fit. It was her room. Boys would comtaninate the Princess things and it was her beautiful room. This all from a child who never wants to be in her own room.
So... here are some things I wanted to blog about my experince in NYC.

Miracle House:
I needed a place to stay, so I found this organization that rented bedrooms in a high rise apartment building on the West side. Hell's Kitchen. It was great. The apartment was huge, three bedrooms. It was $50 a night. They offered breakfast every morning and dinner three nights a week. They did the sheets and towels and a deep cleaning weekly. You had to buy your own perishibles. There was a gym in the building and a 24 hour door man. I felt really safe. And the view was to die for. All in all it was a great experince.

Sloan Kettering:
I have nothing but wonderful things to talk about Sloan. The nurses were fantastic, however, the patient... :). I've never seen anything like this place. BUt they did great for us.

First Ave:
My mother in law and I were crossing First Ave the other day. The UN is at the south end of First Ave. Suddenly, as we are about to cross, up comes 2 NYPD cars, lights and sirens, a big black limo, a black SUV with secret service hanging and I mean hanging out the windows, a second black suv with guys all in black flack jackets, helmets and semi automatic rifiles out the windows. My mother in law and I looked at each other and realized we had just seen George W. drive by!

Other Celebs:
I was standing out in front of the hospital the other day and saw Paulie from the Sopranos. Also one of the families staying in the apartment, the son is the sound guy from Edgar Winters'.

All in all it was kinda cool being in NY for a week, under the circumstances and all, but I am so glad to be home.

Monday

Brian is doing well. The O2 is off, the IV is out, he is wearing street clothes. The stomach is very distended still and he is uncomfortable.

He called me at 7 this morning to ask me where I was. I told him I was still in bed sleeping and that I wasn't getting up yet. He wanted me to come over ASAP.

They were allowing him to eat solid food today and he took full advantage of it. He walked with me out to the street a few times. That was nice.

The Jets are playing Monday Night Football tonight and he wanted to take a nap before he watched the game. He's back to normal.

Post Op Day (What Day Is It?)

Brian is hanging in there. It's been hard. His heart rate is high as is his blood pressure. The doctor isn't concerned. The concern is that his stomach is full of fluid, again, part of the process, but, it's so full that it is making the deep breathing that he needs to do to prevent pnuemonia harder and harder. He's tired, weak and they may have to give him blood at some point in the near furture.
Okay, enough of the bad.
His catheter is out and he is peeing well. His bowels are moving and trust me that tumor was not what crawled up his ass and died, as it still stinks like it always did.
The funniest thing happened today. When I got over to see him today, he was on the toilet complaining about the catheter hurting. I looked in the toilet, I know gross but it's the nurse in me, and I noticed that he was peeing around the catheter. So, the nurse and I got him back into the chair and went to remove the catheter. You all know what happens when you take a baby boy's diaper off? Well, the minute the catheter was out of his, well, out, he began to pee. And pee. and pee. He let go as if he had been drinking beer for hours and not used the toilet. It was azaming. As well as the happy look on his face.
I'm tied. It's a lot to cross town each day. NYC takes a lot out of you. Our friends drove in from Long Island today to visit. That was nice.
Denise, my girl friend took me to get my eye brows threaded. That was different. If you don't know what it is, look it up.
But, really, if it wasn't for the television, I would have no idea what day it is. I seem to loose all track of time and date sitting in the hospital. I can't imgaine what it's like for the people who are there for months. But over all, it's been a good experince in the hospital. World Class doesn't even begin to discribe it.
More later.

Post Op Day 1

Brian is doing fairly well. I went to see him this morning as soon as visiting hours started. He's in a lot of pain, but considering his incision runs from the center of his chest to his navel. He can't stand up too straight yet and he needs to breathe deeper than he is.
It was a busy day with the whole family there to see him all day. He has a PCA pump that allows him to push a button and get pain meds, when he wants them every so many minutes. He's sweating a lot and he still has the cath for urine. He's on O2 to help his breathing and he's jsut tired.
I'm tired too. I've done a lot of walking. The hospital is at East 68th street and York Ave. The furthest east you can get without being in the water. My apartment is at west 43rd street and 11th ave. That's as far west as you can get without being in NJ. So essentally the entire width of Mannhattan and 25 blocks. It's a long trip. Cab takes about 1.5 hour, sub way, 1 hour and bus one hour.
I'm trying to only be the wife and not the nurse while I'm in the hospital. It's not easy, but I'm trying.
Sloan Kettering is great as is the apartment I am staying in. When I get home, I'll blog all about them.
More tomorrow.

Yawn!

It's almost five in the morning. I couldn't sleep long today, so I got up, slightly hung over, but feeling rested.
Yesterday was a long day, having to be up early and going at nothing all day long. Sitting on the edge of the chair. Brian's father kept trying to push food on us, like, well it's noon. We should eat now. It's time for lunch. What do you mean you don't want to eat?
Give me a break. I really only eat when my stomach is growling and that doesn't happen for very long. But, I'm holding up okay.
Brian is in a lot of pain. I talked to him after I got home last night and he had called Emily too. I'm sure that he felt better hearing her little voice. I can tell that he's not feeling well, but he's going to be fine. I'm hoping that I can get him up in a chair today. Better than the bed. Less chance of pnemonia.
Brian's godparents were in town yesterday and they took us to an Irish Resturant. It was very good. But at that point, just to relieve the stress, I was drinking Grey Goose Cosmos. But I got to see Brian's cousin Kevin, who lives in San Fran and I adore. He's a great guy and some time, I'll have to tell you all the story about Kevin, his partner Karl, the book and myself.
So, I think it's nearly a decent time to get into a hot shower, pack up for the day and begin to thread my way across Manhattan. My Dad and Brian's brother in law are coming down today and most of the Clarke clan will be leaving tonight. My mother in law is worried about me being alone and might stay with me. At least another night maybe two. We'll see.
Thanks to all of you who prayed, gave positive thoughts and the like. It was very comforting to know who was all out there for me.
I plan to come online after I get home each night, 9ish NY time. Check back each night for an update.
Hugs and Kiss

Step 1 Operation

Please forgive me right now. I'm a little buzzed yet from dinner and it's now after nine at night and I was up at 4 to get ready to go to the hospital
The surgery went well. The doctor was able to remove the tumor and only the gall bladder too. That's great. It was 4.5 hours and Brian is in a lot of pain.
His Parents and both his sisters were here with me and lets just say it was fine. A few tense moments, were I thought about kicking them all out, but all in all... it was okay.
Brian's uncle Patrick and his wife Pat were in town for Patrick's own appointements at Sloan. Tehy met up with us after we saw Brian and they had brought their grandson Brian along and their oldest son Kevin from Cali! What a surprize.
We all went out to dinner and I'm just coming in. I'm tired and I'm buzzed on Cosmos. I'm going to sleep. I'll write more later.
Thanks for all the prayers.

Breath

Okay. We saw the doctor again yesterday in NYC. The surgery is a go for next Wednesday. They did a CT with special dye, looking for the blood flow to the tumor. It's connected to the kidney via the blood supply, so worst case senario now is this:
Remove tumor
Remove part of intestine
Remove right kidney.
We got back late last night.
Emily is doing well in 2nd grade... lots and lots and lots of homework nightly. It's a chore to get her to sit down and do it, but we are trying.
Not much more to say right now.

Me

I've been blogging a lot about what's going on with Brian and I try to add somethings about Em from time to time, but I realized that I really haven't talked about me lately.
So, I'm going to be selfish and narsassicitic and talk about myself for a while.
This has been hard for me. I've been dealing with Emily's porblems for so long and getting so frustrated with that whole situation, that for Brian to get sick just adds more problems to my all ready strained back. Work is okay, really busy. My head hasn't been there for a while and at times I feel like I'm just going through the motions.
In the year that I have worked at MVM, I have only taken three days for me. Two of which I was sick as a dog and one was part of our family vacation. I took today off as a mental health day.
I needed it. I still haven't gotten up, for real. I took a long shower and I'm just laying here watching movies on cable. I pulled my neck in my sleep the other night and it hurts just to hold my head up. I'm very tired and I'm thrilled to say that a lot of things are finally fallen into place with Brian and our trips to the city.
I keep thinking that this is jsut the next challange for me. What more can I handle? I know that everyone thinks I'm so strong, but there are times I don't think so. I've had enough for a while.
Those of you who really know me, realize that I have no faith in God. I have a hard time believing in something that I can't touch or experince. I've never felt the spirit. I don't believe there is an afterlife of hevaen. I like church and the feelings of tradition and pomp and circumstance. But I don't feel that sitting in a buiding, saying silent wishes to some greater being is going to fix everything. I have no faith.
Don't get me wrong, I do believe that for those who have faith and do believe, it's real. I tend to lean more towards the eveolution theroies of creation and I believe whole heartedly in both Western and Eastern medicines. But to think that simple prayer and faith is going to guide me through all of the trials and tribulations that have come into my life, no.
For those of you who are reading this and have faith, please continue to do so. There is so much out there I don't understand. I'm just saying that I have never been in a place in my life that I can put my faith, trust and understanding in a being that was created through the minds of people more than 4 thousand years ago.
Please don't try to convert me. It's a lost cause. Many have tried and failed.
My friend from college, a good woman with more than enough faith for both of us, is convinced that deep down I have faith and belief in God. Who knows? Maybe she's right. But I've never felt it's real for me. Time will tell.
Maybe it's all the death I have seen. In my life, my work, I see very sweet and wonderful people die very tragic and hard deaths. I have seen the nicest people have the worst lives. I have seen the crappiest people with the best luck. I have seen both the good and the bad die. It's the same physical process no matter the age or gender. No one is going to lose the battle with death when it comes.
Am I scared that Brian will die? No. If it happens it was meant to be. Am I scared to be without him? Yes and no. I know that I will be heart broken. He is my husband and I do love him. But I know that I will carry on. I have Emily, a constant reminder of all that is good about Bri. I'm more scared of being alone. I'm not good alone.
Plus, there are friends, family and the like around me. But sometimes, it feels so far away. I don't know. I'm so confused lately.
I want to just curl up and wait until this is all over. Waiting is indeed the hardest part. I'll feel better when we are there, in the hospital. Then I can relax as much as I can.
My mother doesn't want me to be in the city alone and I appreciate that. But at the same time, having everyone, anyone there sitting and staring, waiting for the next thing is more nerve racking than being alone. I know that worrying is wasteful. It is. I just want it to be over. Is that selfish? I'm ready to go tomorrow, but we have more than a week to wait. I've feel like there is so much I need to do, but I have no energy left to do it. I'm drained. And when Brian and Em are home, I feel that I need to continue to be strong. To not let on how upset I really am. And I feel that I need to be strong for his family too. It's just so hard.
And who do I get to vent to? Who do I get to yell at and cry with? Brian. NO. That's not good. The few times I have tried I keep hearing that faith and trust in God will help. I don't want to hear that. It's not me. I don't know what I want to hear.
And to top it all off, my birthday is going to suck... again. 35 and no party, I don't know that I will be able to go out. Brian will be too fragile and just home... if we are home at that point.
Sorry, not asking for pity. Just venting.
I'll write again soon.
Thanks for listening.

Day 2

Does this seem like a really long episode of 24 or not? At least there are no terroist bomb threats or plots to kill the president. And I don't think there are any rogue Chinese agents out for Em and I.
Okay, so today's update.
The doctor in NY's office called and we are on for the surgery. The new date is Wednesday Sept 17th.

But let's talk about something different tonight. Today was Em's first day of second grade! MY little one is getting so big. She had a good day as far as I can tell. I ask her how school was and she tells me fine. I asked who her teacher is and she tells me Mrs. Daw. Then I ask who is in her class and she tells me kids. Aren't we a bit young for the one word answers?
We were at my parents tonight, playing a bit with the new camper. We have some water issues and some eletrical issues. Em spent the entire time swinging on her tire swing, happy as a clam.
She's getting too big. I'm afraid to blink and we will be talking about her high school graduation.

Next Step

We saw the surgeon in Sloan Kettering today. There is a lot to say, so I'll keep it as brief as I can.
1) It is cancer. A rare one at that.
2) It needs to be removed.
3) It needs to be removed quickly and that is the only treatment.
4) Worse case senario, it will be a Whipple Procedure. It's a complicated procedure that would involve removal of part of the stomach, pancreas, gall bladder, and a large section of the intestines call the duodeumn.
5) Brian needs more testing to check the blood flow to the tumor.
So,
1) We have to get the insurance company to approve everything.
2) Once that happens, the doctor wants him in the city Tuesday of next week to have the scan and do the pre op.
3) The doctor would like to schedule the surgery for the 15th. Five to seven days in the hospital.

So, yet again we are waiting on the #@$#^%^%*%#@2@# insurance company.
But Brian and I had a good time in city. We had a nice hotel room with a view of the Chrysler Building. We went to Little Italy and had pizza at Lombardi's. After the doctor's today, we walked over to St. Patricks and lit some candles. Then, of course, we went to American Girl and bought our daughter a treat.
So, I'll keep you all updated on the next installment in:
(insert bad theme music)
THE LIFE AND TIMES OF BRIAN'S ALIEN BABY
(dun dun dun...)

Finally

I have been working with the oncologist's office to try and get Brian's appointment with Sloan Kettering. I called them on Thursday to find out that they had gotten a phone call from our insurance company that denied the consults to NYC. I was livid. The insurance company is based out of Albany and said Albany or nothing. But we have had such bad times at Albany, they messed up bad with both Bri's father and Em that I don't want to go there again.
So, I called the insurance company, knowing that they had an appeal process and that I needed to get it started. In the mean time, we contacted our local state based medical coverage and got Brian placed on that. So, after talking to the insurance company, I came home and was hanging out with Em. The doctor's office called and suddenly they approved a consult with the surgeon and the pathologist in NYC! It pays to complain.
So, I called the doctor's office here and told them that I really wanted to have an appointment on my calander before the holiday weekend. They told me that it may not be scheduled until Tuesday, but they'd try. A little later I got a call back that we had to be at the Rockefeller Plaza center at 8:30 Tuesday morning!
I scrambled to get all the papers we need, the scans and everything else as every one is closed on Monday for the holiday. I have to work Monday and Mom and Dad are away until Tuesday. Brian's mother is going to take Em over night on Monday and all day Tuesday. Brian and I found a cheap hotel 3 blocks from where we need to be. We are leaving as soon as I get home from work and get packed.
I'll let everyone know what happened Tuesday night or Wednesday night.

Emily came to work.

We had hired a new sitter and she started yesterday. However, she has had a family tragedy. Her 16 year old neice was dropped off at work, in the parking lot and never made it inside. No one has seen her since. Okay, it could be a boyfriend but there is still the possiblity of abduction. So, the sitter closed today. So, Brian, having the more flexible job, stayed home with Em today.
Brian also had the second of his tests today. So, the deal was this.
1) I programed the stove this morning. It's a great feature that I can set the timer to turn the oven onto a predetermined temp at a certain time and it will turn its self off after how ever long I set it.
2) Brian and Emily needed to go to the grocery store. Better him than me.
3) Brian needed to get the chicken ready for dinner and put it in oven before he left.
4) Bring Emily to me at work so that he could go to his test.
So all this went well, but my day was non stop. It often is anymore and it's getting so bad, I'm not getting enough stuff done in one week let alone a day. So, when Em got there we were wrapping up a few meetings that were using our space, I had the oxygen company there for a resident who is in the hospital and coming back on Hospice, dealing with a medication pass, residents who need attention, a cranky husband, a cranky boss, a cranky chef (notice the pattern that all the men in my day where being cranky?), staff that wanted to complain about things and Emily.
God, love Emily. She's very social at my office, often chatting up with the residents, a few of them absolutly loving to talk to her.
My boss was fine and very understanding about Em needing to be with me at work today. That wasn't a problem. My biggest problem was that Emily wanted to sit and talk to all the staff and we had so much going on. I left her at my desk with her movie that Brian brought in my computer. But here's the thing. I tol my boss who was at his desk behind mine, that if she needed me where I was going to be. But at the same time, I don't feel that it's right to ask your boss, your co workers or anyone else at work to watch your child when you are the one with the day care problem. I wouldn't accept it as behavior if any of my employee's bring in their children for a short time and expect me to watch them so they could work.
That's one of the great things about my job however. If there is an emergency, something happens, they aren't really anal about you bringing in your children for a short time. I mean all day is something else, but for an hour or something is okay. As long as you can still work. And Em is old enough to keep herself mostly occupied.
I'm just ranting I guess and I'm sorry you all had to read it, if you are indeed still reading. I'm just so stressed I don't know what to do.
Work is getting really really busy and my head is so filled with other things going on, I am only giving about 80%.
Then there is Brian and Emily and worrying about what is going to happen in the coming weeks.
The family is calling almost daily. And I understand why they are. But at the same time, it's getting to the point where I don't even want to look at the phone any more. There are times that we just want a quiet night at home with my husband and daughter.
But Em is so lost without school. I can't wait for her routine to start again. Thank God it's only next week.
Good. Now my day is complete. Emily is mad at me. I won't go downstairs and get her strawberries for a second bedtime snack. Since she's been with me she has had to eat:
watermelon, strawberries, tomatoes, 4 pieces of gum, chicken, potatoes, peas, an apple, cookies. Plus, I know Daddy gave her a happy meal for lunch. But now she want's more to eat and I said no. Therefore, I am:
MEAN!
Oh well.

The Fair

Around here, the last month of the summer is dedicated to county fairs. There are two big ones around here, the Ulster County fair and the Dutchess County Fair. We live in Ulster county and never go to the fair. It's small, cheesy and dull. It's the Dutchess Fair that makes the grade. So, Brian thinks it'll be fun to go this past weekend. He wanted to go after he and I both got done with work on Saturday. Oh, hell no. I said why don't we call his sister and go on Sunday. So that's the plan.

We packed a picinic and met Chris, John and the boys at a local riverside park. We decided to go to the fair after we had lunch. It was about a total six or seven mile drive. It took over an hour. It was the last day of the fair. We were parked so far away, we had to walk twenty minutes to get to the gate.

So, first we saw the animals. The cows, the horses, the sheep, the goats. They stank, but Emily and Adien loved it. Then we moved onto the kids climbing all over the tractors. That was fun. BUt it was the rides the kids wanted. Over and over again for the rides. So, we spent $20 on tickets for the rides and only got 20 tickets. Each ride was 3-4 tickets. So, the rides went fast. Then onto snacks, bathrooms, walk around and suddenly we had been there for four almost five hours and we, the adults were tired. So, we left, but the kids could only complain about how far it was back to the cars. But it was a fun day.

Dizzy Girl

We were at my parents, playing with the new camper tonight. Emily wanted to play on her tire swing for a while. Her favorite thing is to spin around and around, but tonight she put a different "twist" on it. She pulled one of her legs up into the well of the tire and had the other on the ground. She put her head down on the tire so that her forehead was resting on the sidewall. She spun herself around and around and around and around (even writing about it I'm getting dizzy). So, you get the idea. We told her it was time to go and to come and give Nana and Epa a kiss goodbye. She got off she swing and we all thought she was going to stagger. Nope! She walked in a straight line and right up the stairs and onto the porch with out a single problem! She could more than likely pass a field sobriety test without batting an eye.

Okay

So, we saw the oncologist this morning. It's a tumor. (insert Brian's BAD impression of Arnold Schwartzengger from Kindergarten Cop). Specifically it's called a neuroedocrine tumor related to the pancreas. Okay. So here's the deal.
1) We are still not sure if it's cancerous. We won't know for a while.
2) The tumor HAS to come out and we are going to be heading to Sloan Kettering Hospital in NYC, the best cancer hospital on the east coast.
3) Brian is going to do more testing on an outpatient level next week, to determine if there is any other tumors that might have been missed by regular CT's or anything else concerning.
We need to wait for the insurance company (damn HMO's) to give us the go ahead to head to NYC and see the surgeon. It's still a bit of a waiting game, but it's better than it was. We at least know now what kind of tumor it is. It's a rare tumor, but not unheard of. Check out Memorial Sloan Kettering Hospital's website for further information on the tumor.
Brian and I thank all of you who have been praying and thinking of us. We appericate the love and concern.
Kisses and Hugs from us.
We'll keep you posted.

Waiting

Tomorrow is the appointment with the oncologist. It's just going to be a long night, waiting to hear what this mass is.
Yesterday, Brian's rash that we thought was possibly an allergic reaction to the antibiotics, got worse. So, we went to the doctor and she gave him some Prednisone to help the rash go away faster. It's working.
We heard from Brian's father tonight about his appointment for his cancer today. It is contained in just the prostate, but it's advanced. The treatment is going to be hormone replacement therapy both oral and injectible for about three months then radiation therapy. He will need somewhere between 40-45 treatments and then he'll have to remain on the hormone replacements for up to 2 years. But the good news is it hasn't spread.
So, now we know about that.
More news tomorrow when we know

Day at home

Today is Brian's first full day at home and he couldn't be happier. He's been complaining of some back pain but we think that because of the site from the biposy, he didn't sleep in his normal position. So, we are hoping it's nothing more that discomfort from sleeping.
Emily is so happy to have Daddy home and she so cautious about touching him. They usually wrestle and so on, but we've been trying to explain to her that she needs to be gentle with Daddy.
He's upstairs resting right now.
Jeane was asking about the fact that the mass was dying on the inside and as far as I know, that's neither a good thing or a bad thing. As masses grow, as they get too large for the blood supply that is feeding them, they begin to die in the middle. That doesn't mean anything other than the mass has been growing.
I'm just waiting on pins and needles. The oncologst stated to us that it could be several different things, including cancer. My question, is if it is not cancer then what the hell is it?
EMily is done with summer school now and will be going to the sitter next week and I will be going back to work Monday. There is no use me sitting at home and waiting to see what happens. At least I can be productive.
I would love to call all of you, but, phone numbers are helpful. Home for us is 845-338-0258 and my cell is 845-430-5004.

Home at last

Brian had his biopsy today. It was scheduled for 2:30 and it wasn't that far off when he went in. They gave him some Ativan on the floor first and a bag of Lactated Ringers for fluid. He wasn't allowed to eat after breakfast and that was hard. The Interventional Radiologist explained what he was going to do and it was going to take up to an hour.
Basically, they went in with a long needle from his front, navagting around the intestines and were to take core samples of the outer egde of the mass. The inside of the mass was dying and my impression of that news meant that it had been there a while. The radilogist stated that it was normal for any kind of mass to be necrotic on the inside and live on the outside.
When he was all done , he hurried as best he could as the only other hospital in the area lost the use of their CT scanner and they were sending almost all the patients to Benedictine where we were. IT was very busy.
He came out to see me after the procedure and explained that he was only able to get two core samples, as the mass had a lot of vasularity to it and was starting to bleed more than he liked. There is a hematoma around the mass now. That is basically a large blood pocket. The body should absorb it back.
We have an appointment with the onoclogist on Thursday morning. Emily is thrilled to have Daddy home.
So, we are going to take it easy tomorrow and Sunday and we will see from there.
Thank you all for the thoughts and prayers.

Update

Today we waited. For hours. The onocolgist finally came in are ound 7:30, talked to us, did an exam and then talked some more.
At this time, he's not sure what it is. He's not even really sure that it's attached to the kidney in any other way. They did find a small kidney stone, possibly the cause of the bleeding. It's smaller than a pencil point. He also told us that in looking at the mass, the center of it seems dead, not as "healthy" as the outside.
He won't say that it's not cancer, but he won't say that it is either. So, Bri is still inpatient at the hospital as they want a biopsy. But because of the location, near all the major blood vessels of the kidney region and behind the intestines, it needs to be a very specific needle biopsy guided by CT. Then we can come home. And wait for the results.
The bloody urine has cleared up.
Brian seems to be holding up well. It's been a long day with lots of visitors.
I'm tired. I've been at the hospital for over 12 hours, waiting for the doctor. It's almost too much to take in right now.
Emily over heard us talking about the needle and is very upset that Daddy needs to have a needle. She also over heard about the kidney stone and we told her that Daddy needs to keep his mouth closed when mowing the lawn at work so he doesn't swallow any more rocks!
Brian had the best line of the night, however. We were talking about his mass and Brian has the habit of farting, alot. Not plesant stuff either. I often kid him that something crawled up his butt and died. So, he thought that this mass is whatever did crawl up his butt and died. Now we will get to see what it is.

The other shoe just dropped.

Two or three days ago, Brian's father was diagnosed with prostate cancer. Okay. That was hard. But today was harder.
Brian called me around lunch time to tell me that he was peeing blood. So, we went to the ER thinking he either had a UTI or a kidney stone. They ran some tests. No, UTI, just blood in the urine. The blood work came back normal. So they did a CT of the renal area.
They found a mass about 8 cm (a bit bigger than a golf ball). It's sitting near or on, the right kidney causing the bleeding. But, here's the kicker. It's showing up on the CT as lymphanona, a type of cancer.
He's at the hospital right now, and I am home. Em's at my parents. We are meeting with the oncologist tomorrow to see if it is really cancer and what the next step is.
I spoke to the doctor on call this evening and he told me that the follow up scans they did tonight show a) Brian does have a brain in his head, contrary to popular belief, b) that there seems to be no other masses or problems to be concerned with.
So, now we wait. Then we should know what the next step is.
I'll keep you all informed, but you all have my numbers.

Our Cottage

Long story short, we have come into the possesion of a camper. Well, it should be in my drive way by bed time tomorrow. It sleeps three, has a kitchenish thing and a bathroom type cubby. But I can't wait to get to use it! We got it from one of my Jersey cousins and they are NASCAR fans (for those of you who don't know, NASCAR stands for Non Athletic Sport For Caucasian American Rednecks.) We have inherited all kinds of NASCAR things to go with it. Yeah! My favorite sport! Watching cars go round and round. It's call traffic. Why would I want to watch it? And isn't it a pre requset that if you watch Nascar you must eat beef jerky, drink Busch and listen to country music?
We eat pizza, drink local brewed beer or Sam and listen to Alternarock or Metal.
We went to my sister in laws a week ago to hang out. We, Brian, his two sisters, their husbands and the odd brother in law were all sitting on the patio, drinking, and listening to music. You have to hear the choices:
Little Sis's Ipod:
Madonna, Black Eyed Peas, Hootie and the BlowFish, and other assorted crap.
Odd Brother in Law's Ipod:
R&B, Hip Hop, Easy Listening
Finally after about three hours of crap we pulled out the oldest brother in law's Ipod:
Metallica, Ozzy, Sabbath, and some other interesting stuff that his teenage students gave him. It was like heavan to my ears. But, I couldn't wait to get home and listen to my own stuff.
I bought a new MP3 player over the weekend, 4gb and loaded it with about 1/2 of my music... 434 songs.... only 1/2 of what I have. But, now I can listen to :
Blue October, Muse, Fall Out BOy, Queen, etc...
No, Hannah Monatana on my player.... Em's little pink one on the other hand...

TV adds how many pounds?!

I have been working at a new job for about 10 months. A small start up with two young men who opened an assisted living facility. I am the head of nursing. It's fun and rough at the same time.
Friday's is Happy Hour night (whoo hoo!), but generally, I am not there. But tomorrow night the guys want me to work, because of a a lot of reasons. Happy hour is real popular with families and I don't get to see the families often. We are hosting an art show. And we are shooting our television commercial!. Ihate having my picture taken and I am not looking foward to having myself on camera, but as the only nurse....
Here's my delima. I am in need of a hair cut, but I can't get in. My roots are feet long. And I can't figure out what I'm going to wear!
This is not how I wanted to make my television premier. I was thinking something along the lines of being 75 pounds lighter, and in a make out scene with any one of the following....
Jonathan Rhys Meyers

Johnny Depp

Music

I've been stuck on this music kick. I rediscovered a bunch of bands that I had forgotten about. So, instead of watching my boat load of Tivo that I need to catch up, Ive been listening to my computer and the music I have downloaded and just had laying around.

Well, I don't have XM or other fancy radios. I was listening to AOL music the other night and I realized that they play like the same 50 songs over and over again. It's been cool because I founf some catchy things and a few that I don't ever want to hear again. But I was working on updating my mp3 player and no, I do not own an Ipod or will I ever by one. As much as I would love to have an Apple, I hate being locked into using Itunes. I have tried it and I'm just too confused. WMP all the way.

But this is the story I need to share. A while back my father had bought himself his first digital music player. Nothing too exciting. Now, my father is the one I had always gone to for tech advice in the past, but he called me that he was having problems syncing up to his player. I went through the basics over the phone and he was still having problems. I went to the house the next day and within about five minutes I had the whole thing fixed. He had forgotten a few things, like formatting the hard drive on the player first. Oh, well.

It's just really weird to be at the point where I understand the majority of technology better than my father. Setting up a Bluetooth? Beyond him. Now at work I am the one that the majority of the staff comes to for tech advice. They bring me cell phones, computers, mp3s the works. They don't go to the owner who's fiancee has a masters in computer programing and works for BLue Sky ( Fox's animation studio that just made Horton Hears a Who and Simpsons). They come to me. Sometimes, it's easy to figure out what the issue is. Sometimes it's more. Beyond me. My bluetooth broke and I've been having issues trying to figure it out. I asked my boss, the one with the bluetooth and the fiancee, but he told me that he had no idea and that he didn't even know how to do much more than turn it on and off. He had to have the fiancee sync his up. That was amazing to me. I can do that. But... then again, I have cousins who can help me with the web stuff that I can't understand.

Nothing really to say

I'm in this odd space in my head right now. I told you I read... alot. I got this new book yesterday morning and I read it. Cover to cover. About 10 hours total. 760 pages. It was the last in a series of four that I really really love. It's just this story that sucks me in and I feel like I'm really living it. That's hard for me. Because now that it's done, not just the book but the series, I feel really odd. I keep replaying different sections of the series over and over again in my head. It's really killing me. I want to almost crawl inside the book and be part of it.
But when I get like this and trust me it has happened before, I crawl inside my own writing. It's just hard to really paint what I see in my head on the paper, well really the monitor. All I want to do is pour out what I see in my head. Nothing else. No food, no work, no sleep. Just type until I can't rub out the hand cramps and my fingers ache. But then I still don't feel sated. Just empty.
Right now, I have been working on my white whale. That story that I have been mulling around for the last twenty years. But, when I read it back over, I feel that I haven't gotten it quite right. That it's really stupid.
My sister in law has read a few of my novellas. One of them made her cry and she always tells me she likes them. But I can't tell if she's just saying that because she's my sister in law or if it's true. Then I re read them and I think that it's all trash. Not good fiction. Just fiction. Like a kid writing.
Even a monkey could get lucky and type Shakespeer. But I don't know. I'm feeling a little off. Empty. I hate getting sucked into a good book afterwards. I feel like the world I became so engrossed in has left me.
It sucks.
So, in a few days, it'll lessen and I'll be better. Until I pick the series for the seventh or so time. I'm serious. I've read them each that many times, except the one I got yesterday.
If you can put aside your thoughts on Vampires, werewolves and the supernatural and you want a good love story, check out the Twilight Series by Stephenie Meyer.
www.stepheniemeyer.com
If you like good music, go into the twilight section, pick either Twilight, New Moon or Eclipse and click on the play lists. You can listen to the sound tracks for the books. It's awesome.
One last thing... for that love song that you just want to cry over....
you tube... type in blue october my never. Listen to the words. It's soooooooo good.
Hey Josh, how do I put up a you tube in my blog?

Seven more things...

Well, I come to find out, after reading some more blogs, I was tagged by my cousin Jeremy to post seven interesting things about myself, and you know what, I think I could do it again. Let's see what happens.
1) I have been to 45/50 US States. I missed Washington, Mississippi, Lousiana, Haiiwi and Alsaka. My parents have dragged me, kicking and screaming at times, to most of the other 45. But in all the beauty I have seen, all the places I have been, my heart belongs to the Northeast. New England. I love it. So close to NYC, Boston... nothing like it in the world.
2) On my mother's side on the family I am the oldest and on my father's I am dead center in the middle. I have a total of one sister ( to whom I do not speak) and 12 first cousins, not including spouses or their children. And let's not even get into the fact Brian has two sisters and 13 cousins who all are either married or have children. It's a BIG family when I really look at it.
3) I read. A lot. I can put away a typical novel in about 48 hours, averaging in work and family time. I was once clocked at 650 words per minute with 99% comprehension. I almost always have a book in my hand or purse.
4) I love to write. I don't know that I'm very good, but I have finished about 1/2 a dozen novellas. About 75-100 pages on word. But there is a white whale out there for me. A basic premise of a story that I have been working on and off since I was about 14 years old. I can't get it to work just right. Then I get happy with the delete button.....
5) The only two guys I had dated in junior high / high school are now both gay and married to men. Kill my ego!
6) I am allergic to metal. Unless it's silver, gold or titanium, I break out from it. No cheap earring for me.
7) I hate animals. I really just don't like them. I can't see the point of a pet. What kind of contribution do they make to the household other than sucking away money. Food, vet, toys.... at least a child can do chores. But there is no point in a fish. Granted, I understand the idea that some animals can and do have medical benifits, such as petting a dog for lower blood pressure. And I do not lump serivce animals into this catagory. Seeing eye dogs, horses or cows on a farm are something different. But honestly, what is the point of a cat? Messy, smelly and pains in the ass.

7 interesting things about me?

My cousin Court tagged me to list seven interesting things about myself. Wow, only seven? Only kidding.
1) I am a nurse. I failed math and most sciences in high school. I went college and wanted to teach 20 century european history with a concentration on the Bolshivek revolution in 1917 Russia. I have this thing about the Romanovs.
2) I love things vampire related. I love to read books about Vampires. I have read ALL of the Anne Rice novels. I have read the entire Twilight series. Sookie Stackhouse. Blood Ties. All the big vampire books.
3) For a while I was in a Wiccan coven. It was cool. The worship of nature. I can read Tarot cards.
4) I have been tattooed six times and have five tattoos. But being a professional they are all in places that I can show like a piece of jewlery.
5) I would love to live in England. Never been there but I have been an Anglofile forever.
6) I thought at one time I wanted to be an archeologist. I have a distant cousin who teaches Eygptology. But after one class in Biblical archeology I was bored to tears.
7) I play the piano. Not well. I had taken lessons from the age of 4 until I was in my 20's. Right now I'm teaching myself Clocks by Coldplay. I love music. Some of my favorite bands as as follows: Queen, the Beatles, The Who, Travis, Blue October, Muse, Linkin Park, Coldplay, Steely Dan, Pink Floyd, John Mellencamp, Heart, Daughtry, Fall Out Boy.

Last night, there was a new book released with almost as much hype as Harry Potter. It's by a woman named Stephenie Meyers. She's from Mesa, Az and wrote the Twilight series. She did a webcast with the lead singer of Blue October, Justin Furstenfield. It was great. I hadn't listened to Blue October in a while and I forgot how wonderful they are. I added a video bar. Hit the one on the top and let me know if you just love the song as much as I do.

Getting too big

Yesterday was my father's birthday. Even though he had a meeting in the evening, and we weren't going to get together to see him, I had Emily call him and leave a voice mail for him, wishing him a happy birthday. So, I dialed his cell number and handed EMily the phone. She starts singing right away, finishes and hands me back the phone. It was still ringing! She didn't wait for it to pick up! So, I hand her the phone after the voice mail picks up and she sings again. We hang up and go to make dinner. Dad calls back to let us know he got the message. He was thrilled to hear his little one singing Happy Birthday to him.
Emily sings all the time. Hannah Montana, Jonas Brothers, Queen, the Beatles, Princess Songs, etc. Her favorite, though is Stone Soup. At the end of the regular school year her class put on a preformance of Stone Soup. I, unfortunatly didn't get to go. But she sings the songs, alot. I have no idea what they are, or what they are about, but there is this one line she sings over and over again, until it gets stuck in your head. "Stirring, Cooking, Stirring Cooking..." on and on and on again. It's really annoying.
Could be worse... Brian and i have both found ourselves driving along, childless singing along to Hannah Montana or Jonas Brothers.....
At least we've moved on from the Wiggles.

7 or 17?!

It's almost 8 pm here and Emily just fell asleep. It's been a rough hour and a rough couple of days. I'm sorry I haven't been posting, but the time I get home and get dinner ready, Emily contented, read a bit, I'm wiped and the last thing I want to do is type away. So I'll hit the highlights.
Last Thursday, my Aunt Peg came up from Jeresy to spend a few days. It was great to see her and Emily loves her very much. We went on a river cruise that was a fund raiser for the mayor of our small city. It was fun and Brian and I were almost as popular as Dad and Granfather, the ex judge. My aunt and our friends I think were impressed. I got some great shots of Emily. I'm going to try and add them to the blog.
We finally got to shoot off our fireworks the other night at our friends house. It was cool.
But, Emily has decided that mud is fun. She'll take water out of the pool, make mud and coat herself in it. She was so bad the other night we had to turn the hose on her before we let her into the house to get in the shower. She was covered, head to toe in clay mud!
But the best thing is that she has taken to slamming doors and screaching at the top of her lungs like a teenager. Poor Grandfather got a earful of it the other night when he called and she was in the middle of one of her rants about me being the worset, meanest and horriblist mothers, because I told her it was bed time. I had to hang up and deal with the slamming of the doors and yelling.
Tonight, Emily was in her room watching a movie. She couldn't be outside and it was raining. Emily doesn't do well when she can't swing on her swing. So, she was in her room with a frozen fruit and syrup thingie that she loves. When it was time to get her settled down in her room for the night, I found her dvd player covered in the sticky syrup. Not only outside but the inside too. I yelled, I spanked, she freaked and went to see what Daddy was going to do. Nothing. It took her an hour to calm down, speak where we could understand her ( everything prior was sobs and incomprehensible) and fall asleep cuddled up to my side. For the first time since 7, she was the sweet little girl I love very much.
But, my mother, oh, my mother, who always wished I would have a child just like me is grinning ear to ear. I know she wanted me to have a child like me, because she reminded me of it for a long time and still does now and again. Well, Emily is just like me. Slamming doors. Yelling. Going to Daddy when Mommy is mean.
But the slamming of doors and all the other stuff, I figured I had 7 or more years! Not now. I just want my cute little girl back.

Glad it's finally over with.

There is an old saying. The squeeky wheel gets the grease. Well, that couldn't be more true. If you read my previous blog, you've seen my struggles with the bus company. Well, I finally got it all resolved. They conceded that they made the mistake in not alerting me before school started. So, for the summer, they had to get special permission from the state to hire another bus company for the summer to drive Emily in a mini van to and from school. This has been great. But I have to find a new sitter for the fall.
So, I went onto Craig's List and posted the need for a sitter. I got an email from a young woman and we e mail a bit and talk on the phone. She has a sone who is year younger then Emily and I have this feeling that the kids might know each other. She was telling me bits and pieces of her life and it sounds like the two of us have been through the same kind of experinces! I might have found a kindred mom in all of this! Plus the sitter we are using now, learned that when she advertises for school age children, they will not be picked up at her house. Live and learn!
But, Emily keeps growing up before my very eyes. Last night I was on the phone with my father and Emily wanted to talk to EPa. So, I gave her the phone, she talked then, very grown up and seriously said, "Please hold on a minute, Epa" and put the phone down. She got involved with some toy and ignored Epa. I asked her if she was going to talk again and she told me that she was busy and said "I asked him to hold on a minute!" I couldn't help but laugh.
And for her newest trick (Insert Drum Roll) she can open a soda can! She figured out if she goes into the silverware drawer, takes out a fork, puts the tines under the pop top she can pry it open! So, now insteadof asking for a drink, she goes into the kitchen, you hear the fridge open and close and a soda can open. Very sneaky!
That's her other new thing. Being sneaky. She loves to hide things that she knows she's not supposed to be doing. Like having the fifth cookie. Or the ice cream bar before dinner. Things like that. But for all this child eats, she's still about the size and shape of a tooth pick. Well, she is kinda tall, so maybe a bamboo skewer! My little monkey butt isn't so little any more!

Now what?

It's been a very long week and it's only Wednesday. Let me tell you what's been going on, not in any logical order. (please forgive me. I'm emotionally tired)
1) We got a phone call from Brian's parents tonight. They have a couple they have been friends with for eons. They had three children, the youngest is one of Brian's younger sister's dearest friends and the oldest seriously dated Brian's older sister for year. The oldest was killed in a nasty motorcycle verus auto accident last night. He never made it to the hospital. A 17 year old kid cross the double yellow and killed him and his friend who were out enjoying a summer day on their bikes. Tragic. 41. I didn't know him and Brian hadn't seen him in years. But, Brian's parents, his two sisters, their spouses and children and Brian's brother in laws parents are all going away Saturday to Cape Cod for a week. If the wake and or funeral happens after Saturday night, Mom and Dad would like and I to go to represent the family. That's a no brainer. We'll be there anyway. I don't really care for the mother, and the father is a lovely man. It's just so sad.

2) Emily started with a new sitter last week. Everything there has been going well. She lives on this narrow street, on toop of a hill. Yesterday the Tranportation department of the school district called and told me that they will not be picking Em up at the house. Someone needs to have her at the bottom of the hill. The sitter can't do this, as she watches 3 other children, two of which are infants. Brian and I are both at work by then. It's all because the bus driver says the hill is too steep and he can't turn the bus around. So, I'm fighting them. I've called everyone I know at the District, trying to cash in favors, I've called the fire department to find out if it's a problem (they told me that they use that street to train the fighters on the hook and ladder truck) and I called Department of Public Works who get a garbage truck up there weekly and a plow in the winter. If they don't pick up Em at the door, she misses out on her summer education and it becomes an issue with the state for failure to comply with her education plan. The School District screwed up and they won't admit it. I've emailed every one on the school board for help and I've even tried using some pull that Dad has with the mayor to lean on them. It's just stressful to try and do this from work, since the school district closes up at 3 for the summer and I work until 3:30. I'm waiting to see what happens tomorrow. Oh! I still have to pay the sitter, even though Em is not going there right now while we figure this out. Plus Brian or I have to take time off of work to get this settled. The school district went as far as telling me to find a new sitter! I explained that I found this one after 8 weeks of looking. No one wants to take a child with a seizure precaution.

3) My bosses have been having some staffing problems. So instead of getting rid of the problems, they have been moving people around. Now they want me to stagger one day a week. They tell me this in a note this morning. For tomorrow. I was livid. I have dinner plans with Brian's parents tomorrow night, because they are supposed to leave Saturday. We want to see them before they leave. ANd I need more than one days notice with the sitter. Brian will have to pick her up and it's going to cost me. Because Em is only there for 2 hours a day, we pay by the hour. Now, I will have to pay her more once a week to accomidate one whiney staff member. Plus, since they have switched around schedules, I am running around every morning, getting 15 people up, showered, dressed, feed, medicated and everything else with only the help of the two owners. They are not certified to work on the patients, aren't really that confident or skilled with the medications and well... they can pour a mean cup of coffee.

4) Emily had been seeing a neurologist in Albany. I am still waiting for a return call from a fax I had sent over 4 weeks ago. I had to find out from a friend who works for our GP that some labs we had been waiting for that were drawn when she went into the hospital the last time were back and normal. Thank God she faxed them to me for my filing cabinet of information on Emily.

5) The upside is Emily has the same teacher this summer as she did last summer. And most of her class from this last year are with her again. And she FINALLY got her one to one aide. I've been fighting for this for a long time and we are finally on track with this.

Now, if I could ask any one who reads this blog, would you please send Em an email to my aol account. She has become obsessed with the computer and being online. I want to show her that there is more than looking up Sprout PBS Kids online and watching the same Tinkerbell and Princess trailers over and over and over and over again. We will type a respose together.
Thanks!